I’m going to share some beauty tips with you today, which is exactly what you’d expect from a food blogger (um, Not), but let’s run with it because I need to get this off my chest, so to speak. Truth be told, I like my chest, and I’d like it stay where it belongs. Me and Gravity: we’re not friends. Quite frankly, if I meet him (of course Gravity is a man) in a back alley, I might waive my no violence rule.
As I get older (not old, just “older” mind you), I’d like to think I’m wiser, but we all know that’s not true. I’m just better at acting outwardly mature.
My years on this planet have gleaned me a few tidbits of information though, so I’ve decided to pass my knowledge onto you. Bear in mind, while I’ve got a hippie mentality (peace, love, unicorns, and sweet potato fries), I’m also vain. Like I would never leave my house in sweat pants, cuffed at the ankle, vain and I think Crocs should be banned. They make your feet look like blocks of legos. It’s not acceptable attire for being seen by the general public, but hey, that’s just me. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion and fashion style, but now you know where my head is at, so consider this your fair warning before delving into my two beauty tips.
1) Stop Smoking. If you are a smoker, stop (with the help of a medical professional) and not because it will give you emphysema, lung cancer, jacked up teeth and nails, horrible breath or even kill you. If you’re a smoker, you know all of those reasons, and you still smoke, so I’m going to give you a reason you haven’t heard before. One that might have stopped me back in the day (yes, I am a former smoker of far too many years…it is never too late to get healthy!) because it would have appealed to my vanity, and it’s a reason that surfaces only as we mature (this is my nice way of saying “aging”).
If you smoke, all that sucking and puffing, will eventually show on your face. Your mouth, as you age (no more niceties), will begin to resemble a strained and puckered asshole, literally, and no amount of expensive creams will cure it (if you know of one that works, please share…I might even let the organic slide). I’m passing along this information because I don’t want you to wake up one morning, look in the mirror and say, “Where the hell did those mouth wrinkles come from?” Stop now while your mouth stands a chance.
2) Shapely Brows. If you have no eyebrows to speak of and a withered mouth hole, you’re in bad shape (or you’ve come to accept your flaws, just maybe not gracefully). Truly, if you find yourself powdering or penciling in your eyebrows every single day, I’ve got a great tip for you. When you get out of the shower and wrap your towel around your head, turban style, cinch it a little tighter than normal. It will create a non-permanent (Rats!) and organic face lift. Imagine if I designed a cute little woman’s fedora, which created the same effect. I’d be a bazillionaire, and then maybe I could afford expensive face creams for mouth wrinkles. Then again, I’d never be able to take my hat off, and that’d be rude, sitting at the dinner table, rocking a fedora. Hmm, back to the drawing board.
Returning to the topic at hand…while your towel is on turban style and your face is stretched a wee bit tighter than normal, your shell of an eyebrow will be in a perfect arch position for plucking, powdering or penciling in your brows. It will give you the nicest and most natural shape (well unless your towel is pulled way too tight, then it’d be a hot mess).
Honestly, this takes any kind of guesswork out of filling in your eyebrows, and while I may be vain, I’m no make-up artist, so I’ll take all the help I can get. If you do nothing with your brows, you might want to consider it. Why? Well because eyebrows are the frame of your face, so you really want to come correct. I’d leave the house without lipstick (actually I usually only wear chapstick), but never without my brows. You want proof eyebrows are important: two otherwise attractive women with some jacked up brows.
If you choose to keep smoking and continue to go outside browless, you’ll eventually look like this, and (spoiler alert!) we all know how it turned out for him.
The only thing worse would be wearing Crocs in public, by choice.
Back to puppies, rainbows and unicorns tomorrow.
*Today’s message was brought to you by a more than mildly crazy lady in her thirties, who is witnessing her face “maturing,” and struggling to accept it gracefully. In fact, grace may have flown out the window completely.
Have you seen signs of aging on your face yet? How do you cope? Do you want to run in terror or just buy extra concealer? Was today’s post too much raw honesty, with an emphasis on raw?
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table says
LOL! Those eyebrows!!! And yes on the Crocs. WHY do people wear those?!
Meghan says
I’m guessing comfort, but I think they look crazy. I couldn’t believe those wild eyebrows. They are important.
Vivianne says
YES!! I am aging! YES, I am getting old! Facial acupuncture helps to regress the body from continuing the aging process. True fact. Increases collagen and blurs that wrinkle back into the skin. It’s not a miracle as it’s best if you start younger rather than older. It’s preventative after all.
As far as a skin tonic to drink…..green smoothies with aloe vera are awesome. The aloe vera brings depleted skin back into a full, quenched shape. If you’ve never had raw aloe vera, it’s easy to use. Buy the whole leaf, (prickles and all), skin it, and cut into cubes. Put the cubes in tea or in a smoothie, or just simply eat it as it is. Helps fight the winter dry blues and keeps you hydrated.
Meghan says
Viv – you are, quite simply, the best. You are my favorite acupuncturist and knower of all things healthy. I will be looking into both of these suggestions. I heart you!
kirsten@FarmFreshFeasts says
I wear crocs because the sand washes out of them easily and they keep my feet cool while walking across hot sand. I hate flip flops, which makes me an even older and crotchety-er . . . lost my train of thought.
Smoker’s mouth = asshole. Love it.
Meghan says
I knew I would get at least one soul brave enough to confess to the crocs. Love it; good for you!!
Jessie says
Ha Ha, those eyebrow pictures have me busting up!! Sorry your having one of those days girl.. but just know you are beautiful 🙂
Meghan says
Thanks Jessie. I was definitely having one of those days. Sometimes getting older stinks…then again, you gain confidence and maturity (I hope) as you age, so it all balances itself out.
Allie says
I need to stop wearing pajamas/sweat pants/gym clothes in public. But that would require both owning AND putting on clothes that fit in none of those categories. *sigh* I’m hopeless. At least I don’t smoke?
Meghan says
Clothes that fit…I remember when I used to own those…..
After your post about not being able to dress yourself correctly, I suspected you might be guilty of this one. Good for you for coming clean, and hey we can’t all be alike. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were. Plus wearing designer clothes or shoes on the way to the chicken coop (i.e. your yard) might be hazardous.
Barbara Berner says
Best advice my mom ever gave me…”if you don’t like what you see in the mirror, stop looking!” I have totally banned looking at the rear view mirrors in the dressing rooms for years now. What you don’t see, can’t hurt you.
We are all beautiful no matter what age we are at. Wrinkles come with the territory of growing “older”. My advice is to forget all the hype about wrinkle creams and such.
Just make sure you exfoliate often and MOISTURIZE, MOISTURIZE, MOISTURIZE. And definitely stop smoking and drinking.
You are beautiful my Megan!!!!
Meghan says
Thanks Barb. You always know exactly what to say, and you make me laugh. Can’t wait to see you next week.